But I was thinking of another book and I can't remember anything about it now, except that it was awful. It would have been in hardcover in about 1987. There, that's all I know. I should go to the bookstore and amuse the clerks.

"I'm looking for a novel."
"Wonderful, what is the title?"
"I don't recall the title or the author. But it was a romance novel, except I'm pretty sure it wasn't found in the romance section. It was hardcover in 1987. And it might have been white, with some purple on it."

LOL. Yes. People really do ask bookstore clerks to find books for them when they know absolutely nothing about them.

Speaking of bookstore clerks, I have something to get off my chest. It's been bugging me for over twenty years.

I used to manage a bookstore. One day, a woman came in with a hardcover book that she'd received as a gift from a friend. She didn't like it and wanted a refund or credit. She had no receipt. I looked that book up from here to Sunday and could not find it. I was pretty sure it was a remainder. It was one of those books we'd have in a big bin in the store that would be marked down to a dollar, then to fifty cents, and then I don't remember what we did with them. Maybe they were free.

I tried to explain to this woman that the book she had was probably not worth fourteen or fifteen dollars that was on the jacket, and the only way I could find out about it would be to call the home office for advice. But by that time she was livid and stormed out of the store.

A month or so later, she was back again and made a purchase. She mentioned something to the clerk who checked her out about the book being for a friend and hoping she'd like it. The clerk said, "she can always return it." And the woman called out, as she left, "I've heard that before!"

That always bugged me. It bugs me because I never told that lady the truth: that her "friend" bought her a book for a dollar or less and passed it off as a new title.

02/25/2010
I just posted a link to "10 Rules for Writing Fiction." Great article with writing advice from several authors. One piece of advice stood out to me. PD James said, "Read widely and with discrimination. Bad writing is contagious."

Well, I'm reading a badly written novel right now! Oh, dear.

I just finished reading The Night Watchman by Mark Mynheir, a local cop. I'm not sure I'd say his was badly written, but I wouldn't say it was well-written either. It was in the middle. The characters came alive for me in that I could picture them and I liked them, but the dialogue was stilted and often felt forced. However, the story was satisfying and did keep my interest. What interested me the most, though, was that Mynheir is an evangelical Christian and his protagonist is an atheist. I just had to see how he did it! I was very pleased with the result.

The book I'm reading now is Angry Housewives Eating Bon Bons by Lorna Ludvik. It's just awful. Part of my distaste is due to a clash of styles. I don't like her style, but don't have much against it personally. But another part of it is bad writing. Her characters are always saying each other's names in dialogue. "Why yes, Mary, I would like a piece of that lovely cherry pie." "I love you, Tom." "I love you, too, Beatrice." "Oh, Tom." "Yes, Beatrice?"

Drives me nuts! And the characters do talk that way, as if they're in a play. They're cardboard. And this is most definitely why I have trouble telling them apart through the book. And worse, I don't care about them. I don't feel them. But I keep reading because I'm stubborn.

I've not finished very few books in my entire life. One was a romance novel I picked up so long ago I don't remember the title. It was so bad I think I threw it. The main character was so perfectly beautiful and she had this perfect singing voice. Perfection is not interesting. The writing and the story were awful. How do these things get published?

Another was Atlas Shrugged. I've tried twice to read it. It's just too boring for words. My husband is reading it now and he says it's all about railroads and how one group of people think you should run the railroad for profit and one group thinks you should run it for the good of mankind. Boring? Yes, boring. I still want to read it, though, because it's supposed to be a life-changing book for someone like myself.

I didn't finish The Lord of the Rings. I don't know which book I'm on--I read The Hobbit and I may be on The Two Towers in the trilogy. It wasn't bad, though. Just...long; and there are so many exciting books begging me to read them. It probably didn't help that I'd already seen the movies (though that hasn't stopped me from enjoying many other books).

And then, last year, I tried a book written so poorly (it had the same dialogue problems as Bon Bons, only worse...much worse, and several other problems to boot) I had to put it down. I thought I'd better take a look at the end in case the author asks me how I liked it. And there I found an uncomfortably graphic sex scene. This book gives all other self-published (or POD) books a really bad name.

So, should I put Bon Bons down? Should I do something to exorcise the other bad writing I've read? I'd hate to catch something.

02/14/2010
The AFAA workshop and exams are finally behind me! I won't get the results for 4-6 weeks; so, just as with writing, time to forget about it and move on to the next project.

I've been having dreams about my next planned middle grade novel, so I'll probably put a lot of my time into that. But I do need to finish one that I started last year.

02/03/2010
I attended the Space coast Writer's Guild conference and it was fabulous, as usual. Last year I bought a huge armful of books, both traditionally published and self-published. I still haven't read them all. This year I only bought one book: The Night Watchman by Mark Mynheir. He's a local cop and I always enjoy his lectures on the cop's life. I had to bypass a lot of interesting reads, but the stack on my dresser is still pretty high. We can't read everything, I guess.

I'm studying like mad to take the Aerobics and Fitness Association of America's group exercise instructor certification, so I haven't written as much as I'd like. I can't wait until this test is behind me!

01/02/2010
Welcome to the new year! I finished the two books on my schedule last year. I have three books planned this year with a fourth working in my head. Maybe I'll get them all finished.

11/17/09
Check out the Oxford word of the year. Mostly check out the comments section in which a lot of people (much like me) argue over whether it's defriend or unfriend and over the true meaning of the term: teabagger. Nuts.

Don't yell at me, but I've decided to go back to teaching Zumba. I originally stopped teaching because I felt I spent too much time practicing when I could be writing. But, as it turns out, I am an afternoon writer. I did write a few mornings, but I spent most "gearing up" for the writing session on Facebook and Farm Town. Well, I'd rather be dancing! So, I'm back to "having it all." (Not to mention the fact that I regained 10 pounds after quitting Zumba. And now here it is a week before the holidays officially start and I have to lose 10 before I can, in good conscience, gain the holiday 5. Dang it.)

My latest novel is almost complete! I should be sending it out next month. I really enjoyed this one: zombies! The zombie/vampire craze may be over, but when you have a book in you that wants to get out, well, you let it out.

10/20/09
Wow, I haven't updated this site for a long time. Yes, I've been playing Farm Town. But I've been writing quite a bit, too. I'm nearly finished with one of my YA titles and I've got a couple of short stories completed for the Space Coast Writer's Guild contest. I'm certain I'll enter one, but I'm not sure about the other. Either way, wish me luck!

07/10/09
Curses upon the man who ever thought of the app Farm Town! Arghh. I've never spent so much time being virtually productive in my entire life.

06/14/09
Web 2.0 is not a word. That sort of makes me curious about all the other new words they've added over the years. How many of them are truly words? Just because I can type it and use it in a novel doesn't really make it a word. I suppose I can't adequately define the word word, but like art, I know it's not when I see it's not.

Writing is going well. Progressing on the two main novels I'm working on. I still have the middle grade story in the back of my head as well as an adult fantasy. I feel like I could write more. After some great advice from Kristine Kathryn Rusch in her blog, I've given up Zumba so that I can write in the mornings as well as the afternoons. This was something I was already battling with. Sometimes it takes another person to tell you what you know in your gut to get you to take action. And yet, I still feel that I could produce more if I was more disciplined. So the next two weeks will be devoted to discipline.

05/25/09
Today is Towel Day, by the way. So sad.

I spent last week at Florida Tech's Creative Writing Institute. All in all, it was fabulous. We started it all off with a keynote by Philip Deaver. I sat in on two lectures, one on writing historical fiction and one on monsters in film and literature. We had lunches with David Johansson, Robert L. Shearer, and Martha Powers and an evening coffee hour with Anna Flowers. If that weren't enough, we had three-day classes. I initially signed up for a sci fi class, but it was canceled. I opted for a mystery writing class with Martha Powers instead. And I took a fiction class and an advanced fiction classes, both with Florida Tech professors.

I learned a bit and had a great week. But, I ate too much, and didn't take a single Zumba class. I feel fat today. Tomorrow, I'll pursue skinny again. And I've come away with a renewed enthusiasm for writing full time. Two novels are up front in my mind. One was a story I had all but given up on. But I took it to class for a bit of critique and got some great responses to it. I think I can pull it off. And the other is percolating very nicely. Between the two, I think I have enough work to keep me occupied full time.

And I got a Roomba! Ooh, I love my Roomba. The floors are always the worst thing, don't you think? Now I can sit in my office and type all day and let Rosita Roomba vacuum for me. (Yes, I realize it's a bit discriminatory, but it's the name that fits.) And I'm going to train my cats to do this.

05/09/09
I've decided to read Doctor Zhivago again. This may come as a surprise, if you read my earlier review, which basically stated, 'this is the worst book I've ever read.' But, yes, I will read it again. I think I may be able to appreciate the book a lot more after a review of Russian history, now that I think I know what it's actually about.

I was finally able to see the film and I liked it very much. But the film is not like the book. The film is the story of a quiet, emotional man, struggling against the revolution and between the two women he loves. The film is a love story. Man marries woman, man meets soul mate, oops. That sort of story. And in the end, of course, we learn he has a bad heart (aww) and he sees Lara! He tries to get off the bus! He manages! He chases after her! He collapses! (kind of funny collapse) And dies! Oh, the sadness.

Well, that's not at all like the book. The book is about, in my opinion, a weak man--an opportunist, in the way that a person floats from one opportunity to the next--a man struggling against a changing world. He's married with a family. Then he takes up with a beautiful woman. There is no mention of love or desire. We find out he's been sleeping with Lara almost offhandedly, and at the same time we find out he plans to end the affair. Zhivago is conscripted into the Red Army, and after he escapes, he only takes up with Lara again because his wife and family have been deported. He sends Lara away to save her life.

Then Zhivago, growing weaker and weaker, takes up with another woman and has another family. He dies getting off a bus. His death is in no way meaningful or monumental. There is nothing romantic about it.

And that is why I think I will read the book again. I have a suspicion that Pasternak did not intend to write one of the greatest love stories of all time, simply because he clearly did not do that. I think Pasternak may have written a book about a man never being allowed to become what he could have become. Pasternak's story isn't about a beautiful soul and love, it's bare, tedious, melancholy, downright sad--it's, frankly, human. And that's the kind of book I'd like to read.

04/21/09
I was over at the Lipstick Chronicles reading about Lisa Daily's crush on Shaun Cassidy (snork). I was going to reply but there were already 68 responses and they all sound like they know each other, don't they? I guess part of me is still stuck in wallflower land.

Anyway. I was going to reply about two things. First, she only had one poster of said crush? Pfflbt. That's childish. Every inch of my wall space was plastered with posters of Donny Osmond. His eyes moved and followed me around the room. He watched me dress and primp and pick my nose! Oh, Donny. All we've been through together! Donny was only four years older than I was (still is, I suppose), so my chances of marrying him were much greater than Lisa's of marrying Shaun. I had a little record player over in the corner of my room and my mother had a little collection of fancy bottles. I mean a collection of fancy little bottles. And I used to turn this particular one upside-down and use it for a microphone and pretend to be a singer, just like Donny (only female--wait, no, uh, yeah).

And, I was going to reply about the PG-13 film that she wouldn't let her six-year old daughter see. Child. My youngest son was 2 1/2 when he would beg us to let him watch 'great big T-rex get out the boat and eat the guys', aka Jurassic Park 2, The Lost World. And he's not warped a bit. Strange. Sarcastic. Possibly devoid of true compassion. But hey, he gets that from his father, not Hollywood. (snork)

Let the kid watch the movie. She's too young to understand the things she shouldn't understand anyway. But that's me and my weird family. Maybe it's a good thing that our weirdness doesn't spread too far. Then what would the world be? I mean, I might have to be sociable if everyone was cool like me, right?

03/16/09

Announcing the winner of Dianna's Next Top Cat Model! JJ!

JJ easily beat out his competitors: Squeakers, who was too large and black and looked like something out of a B-rated horror flick; Rice Cake, who kept giving the photographer 'Southern Madam' instead of intellectual feline; and Tiger, who wanted nothing whatsoever to do with a book or a seat by the window...until the shoot was over, of course.

So, congratulations, JJ (also known as Jeffrey Junior, to his owner, Jeffrey, who clearly has something of an ego). Your reward is fame, such as you can get here on my little website.

I still have a bit of work to do on the site, but thank you for reading as it is!